Pregnancy is a funny thing. It’s a beautiful journey. It’s frustrating. It makes you think about every tiny thing you’ve ever done and ever will do. And even though I’m just nearing the end of the 2nd trimester, I wanted to write about some of the things I’ve learned so far.
Now, some of these things are lessons I’ve been in the process of learning for a long time. Some are entirely the result of pregnancy. Either way, my hope is that everyone can find some little nugget of goodness from this list.
1. This body is amazing
I’m a big advocate for loving one’s body (or at least working towards acceptance and respect), but it’s been a wild ride so far learning how to maintain that acceptance and love during pregnancy.
First, there’s the fact that women’s bodies are absolutely amazing. Powerful. Magical. Strong. I’m literally growing a human. This body created another organ to support a new life. It blows my mind! We can all go through school and take Biology and learn about what the body does to create a life, but it’s such a strange and rad experience to actually go through.
But of course, there’s all the stuff no one tells you. Increase blood volume, potentially low blood pressure (who knew I could be even dizzier on the regular than I already was!?), aching joints from a hormone called relaxin, the random growth of one’s belly overnight. Sensitive gums, and honestly sensitive everything, due to the increased blood volume. My hiking boots rubbed against my ankles when I was just 16 weeks along and I had bruises on both for several weeks. WHYYYYY.
And, there’s the big one…weight gain. I’ve finally gotten over it, I think? Quite frankly, now that my belly has finally surpassed my pregnancy boobs (it is what it is, friends), I’ve actually accepted that I look like a cute pregnant lady instead of just looking like I’m packing on some pounds. But truly, it’s a strange thing…to watch your body simultaneously become someone else’s home, and to also notice things about yourself you never have before. To know exactly how far to push it during workouts, somehow. To know and be totally ok with taking it down a few notches.
This current body has taught me so much about the importance of breath and enjoying movement. Being aware of exactly how I feel throughout the workout. I’m so thankful for that.
2. Mindset work is important
This sort of goes along with body talk, truly. Because for as many times as I realize how awesome my body is and what it’s capable of, there are still the times when I feel like I’ve lost all control of everything…that this body isn’t mine anymore…that I’m lost.
But it’s not true. And this all comes back to journaling, for me. Keeping up with what I’m grateful for, day in and day out…which always includes feeling this baby moving every day. I’m not sure if Baby S is in there doing the Macarena or what, but it keeps me entertained and it makes me aware of how much life is being added to Zach and I’s lives…not what’s being “taken away.”
Just as mindset work was important before, it’s just as significant now. Having this little human incubating within doesn’t give me a free pass from working on myself. If anything, it makes me aware of how important it is for me to be my best self, especially when I’m a mom. So I keep up with the workouts and I eat pretty healthy the majority of the time. I listen to podcasts that make me feel empowered. I still dream of all the things I want to do, and make plans for those things, because my life is just beginning again in a whole new way.
Mindset is powerful.
3. Compliments & the judgments of others
Wow, unwarranted advice, man. It comes at you from all angles during pregnancy. And it’s ok.
Listen, most people do actually have good intentions…they just don’t know how to properly use their words. So, sometimes things just need to go in one ear and out the other.
A lot of people pay compliments and they don’t quite come out the right way. In the end, what I assume they mean is that they think I look great or healthy. Just accept it and move along. There are people who think that everyone WANTS to hear “You don’t even look pregnant!” …..and there are people who want to exclaim every time they see your body expanding yet again. In the end, folks, I promise everyone means well and they do actually care.
On another note, a lot of people have advice. Again, most people mean well. But in the end, my pregnancy is my own. This life is my own (well, you know, joined with my husband’s). So, as long as things are working well for us, that’s what matters. A lot of people could think it absolutely insane to start looking more into freelance writing whilst creating a human life, but the fact of the matter is….it’s not really taking up any more time right now. Sure, I may be moving around a little slower when trying to get off the couch, but the time-suck really happens after the kid is born.
And, even more on that note…MY life is not over when this baby comes. You may read this and think “well the kid’s not out yet, just wait til she sees what it’s like.” And that’s your call. You can have that thought. You may have had that experience.
I’m not blind to the fact that being a parent will be the most time consuming and life-changing thing I’ve ever “done.” However, I’m also completely uninterested in ever viewing parenthood as the sign that my life (and Zach’s life) is over. Bring on the sleep deprivation. The tears. The hard emotions we’re going to have to work through…because through all of the tough stuff is a whole set of adventures for us to love and enjoy.
So, when people start going on about all the gross and terrible stuff, it’s fine…because it will all happen, for sure. But I’ve learned not to dwell on it or let other people’s judgments and opinions scare me. Because this experience is between Zach and I.
4. Mental health – it’s not “just hormones”
If you made it this far, this is the most important one.
There’s an increased focus on recent years on postpartum depression, which is outstanding. The medical group I belong to even has a new outpatient program for new moms. This is significant work and I could never deny that. But you see, there’s still a long way to go.
Somehow, even if you’ve dealt with a mental health issue in past, there’s this sudden pressure to feel as though it’s gone away once you know you’re pregnant. In my case, Anxiety, which spawns bouts of Depression throughout my life.
If you’re feeling anxious, and you’re also pregnant, it’s suddenly “just the hormones.” And then, you even doubt your own self. You tell yourself that you’re just more sensitive and emotional right now. There’s real potential for you to start telling yourself that anything you might be feeling or going through…isn’t real. Just the hormones.
I’m lucky to have a support system. Friends and family and a husband who love me. People to talk to who DO know that you can be both pregnant and still have an anxiety disorder. But I can’t help but think of all the women who continue to feel isolated…who don’t have the support or people with that sort of awareness. And oh my goodness, that breaks my heart.
There have been nights on the living room couch, crying for what feels like forever because I’ll feel overwhelmingly alone, because my anxieties are trivialized by being pregnant. But there are several people in my life who see it, acknowledge that I’m not just “being silly,” and let me know that I’m just as much myself as I ever was before, hormones be damned. And that my thoughts matter, no matter how intrusive or irrational. And that all I need to do to work through it is what I’ve always done – eat well, move my body, practice gratitude, and talk to my friends.
But mostly I just want to remind everyone that they never have to feel alone. Pregnant or not. Raging hormones or just your typical unbalanced chemicals. Mental health matters, at every single stage of life.
Anyway, this has been long-winded and I may have lost some of you. But if you’re still hanging out and reading this, know you are loved. Tell other people they’re loved. And honestly, remind everyone you know of how strong and capable they are. Maybe with some special attention to the mamas and the soon-to-be mamas.
Love & light, friends.
-Brittni
Brittni Stephens 