The Balance Myth

We hear about it constantly.

Finding balance.

Work-life balance.

Balancing being a parent and being social.

Life itself seems to be nothing but a balance act, at times. And the funny thing about it is…this idea of achieving balance is really a myth, at least in the way we think about it.

What we mean by “balance”

We refer to balance, but what we’re seeking is our own version of equilibrium, our own level of inner peace. Balance doesn’t mean that we need to spend the same amount of time with our friends as we do at work. Our hobbies generally don’t take up as much of our time as keeping house.

“Balance” is different for every individual, and it changes depending on the season of life we are in. Sometimes, it means taking the time to hustle at work, if we are striving to get further along at our job.

Sometimes (as I will soon experience myself!), balance means spending all of our time keeping a newborn baby alive, as well as ourselves. There may not be room for much else. And that’s ok, because it’s important and necessary.

It seems like, at least for many women I know, we get so involved with this idea that “balance” means doing it ALL, every day, every week, with just the right amount of efficiency so that we can end the day feeling accomplished. I’m not sure about you, but that sort of endeavor leads me to burnout pretty darn fast.

Instead, all we need to do is check in with where we are mentally and emotionally, and figure out what areas of our lives need a little extra love.

For me, it’s making sure that I take the time to do more reading and writing.

Getting my workout in.

Pushing myself to tackle a few little chores day to day. All of these things help me personally feel at peace at the end of the day. Reading for 15 minutes isn’t exactly going to tip the scale, but oh my goodness….I know it makes a difference in how positively I view my day!

What do I do when I feel “unbalanced”?

This is where it gets interesting.

If you find yourself experiencing burnout, or close to it, taking action is so important.

The fact is, most of us do what we need to do in order to get by. But that becomes a vicious cycle. If work isn’t lightening up, our environment isn’t getting less toxic, our day to day list of chores isn’t getting shorter….we need to reevaluate what’s going on, friends.

We get so consumed by our routines, thinking if we just keep pushing, it will work itself out.

Not true.

Our sense of balance (or inner peace) only comes when we begin to make conscious shifts.

Planning

Maybe you get yourself a little planner (yo, it does not need to be some fancy 45-dollar planner that organizes every thought you have) and figure out how you can divvy up your household chores through the week. Meal prep, laundry, dusting, etc. Break it down for yourself so that the wall of “to-dos” doesn’t just loom overhead in your mind.

Work Life

Think about your job. Do you like it? Maybe not….do you at least love the people? Are you alright with waking up in the morning?

If the answer is no to all 3 of those questions…you need to get out of your own way and find something else for yourself. I know, the idea of searching for jobs is SO daunting and time consuming. But if you’re already at burnout level, sometimes the only way through is out.

Leaving yourself in a toxic environment or a job you seriously dread every day will never help you, and can truly lead to increased anxiety and periods of major depression.

Hobbies

What do you like doing? Have you even thought about it in the past 5 years?

Remember when you used to sign up for 5k “fun runs”? Or when you actually sat down to read a book?

Or when you last opened up that sketch pad and box of pencils sitting right next to you while you’re just on the couch, watching a sitcom you don’t really even want to be watching?

This section is a funny one. Either we spend so much time working now that we literally leave no time for ourselves, or we spend all of our time mindlessly scrolling Instagram, or watching TV for hours on end.

Neither is acceptable.

If your work is something you are passionate about and absolutely enjoy the majority of the time, then maybe you’ve married a hobby with your work and you’ve already achieved that peace for yourself. If so, that is AMAZING and I’m so happy for you.

But if not, then refer back to the “Work” section.

Now, if you’re in the second group…ya’ll, get ready for some tough love.

You are in control of the time you spend on social media. You are in control of the content you consume. You are responsible for that.

We can lose HOURS of our day just noodling around on our phones, not consuming any sort of valuable information or inspiration. The same goes through TV. There’s a big difference between binging on sitcoms (listen, there is a time and place for that, though) and watching a documentary on something you care about.

But regardless, you and I are totally in control of what we decide to fill our excess time with. I spent so long scrolling Instagram, thinking about how great it would be to start writing again…like, years. Actual years. You have to get out of your own way and just start doing something that brings you joy and hope and LIFE.

Fast forward to now, a couple weeks later, after diving into writing and journaling regularly and reading…I’ve started learning about freelance writing, and now have the opportunity to make a little gig for myself that will help me learn and develop even more. No pressure. It just feels good.

So…what do I do now?

Reevaluate. Check in with where you are in your life. Look at where you’re spending your time, and get very honest with yourself if you are just staying in the same old spot out of fear or complacency.

Schedule your chores out. It doesn’t take long, and will help you so much.

Think about work. Really address any issues you’re having, and consider if it is time to move on, or if you just need to…..

Change how you spend your remaining time in the day. Are you playing with your kids, or just staring at your screen absorbing useless content? Are you attempting to take up any sort of hobby that enriches you?

You can see how this all works as a whole, in dramatically different increments of time, to help you find your own inner peace or “balance” in life.

It takes work, I won’t lie! And it’s something I only recently got real with myself about and took true action on. But, wow, how life shifts when you finally do.

Love & light, friends.

-Brittni