The Confidence Journey

Are you confident?

If you’re anything like me, you may sometimes struggle with saying “yes.”

But here’s the thing…I am confident. It’s not a perfected characteristic, but rather, something to always work towards. There’s so much more that goes into confidence outside of just looking in the mirror and thinking, “Daaaaaayummm, girl.”

So many of us have spent almost our entire lives telling ourselves false tales. We’ve limited our own beliefs and sent ourselves into a ditch full of lack, all because of the stories we learned from others and told our hearts and minds. Whether it came from how family members spoke about themselves, bad/scary/horrible past experiences, or what we’ve taken in from the media, confidence has not been easy to come by.

Personally, I experienced a severe lack of confidence from early on, mosty stemming from being bigger than other girls my age when I was just a little kid. The “I’m not good enough” lie took hold at such a young age. With that came the thoughts that nothing could ever change. Enter: constant self doubt and hate. Naturally, although subconscious, I would continue to sabotage my own life and body and end up obese by the time I was 13.

There are so many stories to branch off from there, but the point is that I came from a place of rock bottom in terms of confidence, and it’s just been in the last few years that I’ve been able to actually declare that, overall, I am confident.

The shift came from changing the stories I’ve told myself for so long. I started ONLY following people who lift me up or radiate light on Instagram. I took the time to learn more about nutrition and how the body actually works…how the body moves…the benefits of fitness and nutritious food on the body and the mind.

Somehow, that was the real trigger into change. The healthier my habits got, and the more I looked at fitness and food as tools for health and happiness, the less I obsessed over calories or weight.

From that point, I started learning the importance of self-talk and mindset work. The significance of facing negative thoughts and combating them, relentlessly. Giving in is such an easy thing to do. It is so so so freaking easy to just slide into the downward spiral of self hate. But my goodness, it is amazing to face those thoughts and feelings and decide to change right on the spot. As soon as the “not good enough” train comes by, I take that feeling and that thought, let myself feel it, and then confront it.

Where did that story come from? The idea that being heavy for so long made me less of a person.

Is it true? Holy crap! No! Of course not! Size has no impact on who we are as compassionate, loving human beings. We let magazines and the negative comments others make about themselves dictate how we feel about ourselves.

By going through this process, I’ve been able to combat all of the negative, nasty comments in my head and tell myself what is real and true. I can say I’m confident now because I continue to face my old stories every day. Some days, self doubt and a lack mindset can take hold. But, overwhelmingly, I can sit with myself and know exactly who I am. Intelligent, creative, nerdy, enthusiastic, fit, healthy, capable, strong. I am light and warmth and love, and someone else in the world needs to hear my words.

All this to say…

Confidence, like humanity itself, is not perfect every day; it is a wonderful, sometimes turbulent, always-worth-it journey. And even on my worst days, the lengths I have traveled remind me that I’ve come so far, and “confident” is where I am.

Wishing you endless hope and light on your own journey,

Brittni